The Challenge
by Stabson
Summary: There were so many chances to surrender to their feelings, but each time, they didn't. What if they had?
1. Doubt

A/N: Hey, everyone! As the title says, this story came to be thanks to a challenge. After my last one-shot, **Bad Blood** (which you should totally check out and review if you haven't), **The Congressman** challenged me to write out an Elliot/Olivia get together before the episode, **"Fault"**. So, naturally, I had to write at least five. And so "The Challenge" was born! I'll be posting one-shots about Elliot/Olivia get togethers seasons seven and earlier.

As the title of this chapter says, this chapter's episode of choice is **"Doubt"**, where we first learn that Elliot and Kathy split. Takes place in Season 6.

* * *

To say that there was a lot on Elliot Stabler's mind was an understatement. He'd been torn from the bed in his family's empty home (not that he could sleep, anyway) to a rape case early in the morning, which turned into a he-said-she-said, the type of case that he hated the most. Not only did he and his partner, Olivia Benson, have to gather evidence and support the victim, they also had to figure out who was lying. Most of the time it was the alleged rapist, true, but this time… he wasn't so sure. It was starting to put strain on his partnership, something that, on top of everything else, he really didn't need. He felt like screaming.

"To hide the fact that Detective Stabler sexually harassed my client."

_Wait, what was that? _

"Excuse me?"

Of course Lorna Scarry would be the one to accuse him of sexual harassment. He really shouldn't have been shocked, the woman would do anything to make her case, but shocked he was.

_That's what you get for taking an emotionally unstable woman home alone. Great job, Detective. _

"You took her home from the hospital."

"He was doing her a favor."

There his partner was, always the first to defend him. Over the past few weeks, she'd been the one that tethered him down, whether she knew it or not, even after their disagreement about the case at hand. He didn't know what he'd do if she wasn't there.

"And in her building, you touched her in an inappropriate manner."

"The only time I touched her was to stop her from falling down the stairs."

"Maybe you'll use that as an excuse to cop a feel."

"That's enough, Counselor. In twelve years, there's never been a complaint against this man."

"Men change. Especially when their wives file for legal separation. My investigator checked the court documents. He also found out that your wife took the kids and moved in with her mother."

_Are you fucking KIDDING me right now? _

Elliot was just as shocked as he was embarrassed. This was definitely not the way he wanted the information to come out, especially to his partner. If he had his way, she wouldn't know at all, but it was definitely too late for that now.

_How DARE she? _

Elliot stepped towards the counselor, swallowing the lump in his throat. "You have no right to use my personal life to make your case."

"I don't give a damn about your personal life unless it affects my client, and it does." _BULLSHIT. _He couldn't stand there and take it anymore. He had to get out of there, and fast. "Stay away from her!"

He stalked out of the captain's office, and made his way towards the stairs as fast as he could. He needed air; he needed to reign in his emotions. He couldn't believe Scarry would use that kind of ammunition against them. Even she had to know how low that was.

"Elliot. Elliot, stop!" He felt her hand on his shoulder, and didn't offer much resistance as she turned him towards her. "Hey. What's going on?"

_My family is falling apart. I can't sleep at night. _

"I touched her in an inappropriate manner, didn't you hear?"

"No, I don't believe that, forget that. What's going on at home?"

The gentleness in her voice broke his heart, but he still couldn't bear it say it. That would make it real, even more real than Scarry saying it.

"Nothing."

He turned from her, and headed back towards the door to freedom.

"Hey, would you talk to me?"

He froze only a few feet from the door, and turned back towards her. His mouth was dry as he spat out the words.

"Kathy left me."

With that, he disappeared into the stairwell.

* * *

"When I saw Polikoff and his daughter… Wednesday nights and every other weekend? That got to me." Elliot admitted. The weight on his shoulders was too much to bear alone. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed help. _Her_ help, specifically. She's always known precisely the right thing to say, and he was hoping this case would be no different.

"Elliot, what happened with you and Kathy?"

Elliot shrugged. "Uh, the job. Makes me kind of hard to live with."

"She should try working with you." Olivia joked. Elliot glanced up at her, and smiled. "You okay?"

Boy, was that a loaded question. He wasn't even sure of the answer himself. Some of the weight had disappeared, just by getting the words out, and his raw anger and heartache were starting to turn into a sort of resigned sadness. There wasn't much he could do about the shit at home, but he could at least keep his partnership together. There was one woman in his life that wouldn't leave him willingly, and she stood in front of him now. Perhaps that was enough.

Just as he opened his mouth to answer her question, the captain called them from the doorway of his office.

* * *

"At least it's over." Olivia said as she sat next to Elliot in the courtroom. It was starting to empty, but they'd both been frozen in place since the verdict was read.

Elliot sighed, scrubbing his face with his hand. He wasn't sure _how_ to feel about the way things had turned out. On the one hand, Myra had done a lot of questionable things over the course of the investigation. Hell, she even accused _him_ of sexual assault. Then again, Polikoff coached his own daughter in the interview room. Manipulated her.

"El?" Olivia asked gently, resting her hand over his, which sat limp on his thigh. "You still with me?"

"Hm?" He asked, jarred from his thoughts. "Oh, yeah."

"I have a twelve pack in my fridge at home." She said. "What do you think, want to order in and have a couple?"

"On you?" He asked, a lop-sided grin forming on his face, to which she rolled her eyes.

"Alright, on me."

"Well, I can't refuse free food, can I?"

He stood, and she followed him out of the courtroom. In the car, Olivia turned the radio on low, and they sat in mostly silence. Elliot knew she was dying to ask him about what was going on, but he was glad she didn't. He was willing to answer whatever she wanted to know, just not here, in the car.

* * *

Olivia collapsed next to Elliot on the couch, and handed him a beer. He'd removed his jacket and shoes, and was now fiddling with his tie.

"Thanks." He said, flinging the piece of fabric onto the couch next to him. He let out a deep sigh, and took a swig of his drink.

"Mhm." She answered.

"Alright, I know you're dying to ask." He said finally, setting his beer down on the coffee table. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

_If she's going to ask, we might as well get it over with now. _

"What happened between the two of you?" Olivia asked. "Last time we talked, you two were doing fine."

Elliot shrugged. "That's what I thought, to be honest. I mean… I thought we were fine, then all the sudden her bags were packed and she was telling me it wasn't working." The emotions were starting to come back up. Water pooled in his eyes, and he tried desperately to keep the tears at bay, but it was a losing battle.

"She took my kids, Liv." he whispered. "I lost my children."

He shot to his feet, and paced to the window. The tears in his eyes were threatening to spill over… He lived for those children. Taking them away was like ripping out a part of his soul. His hands pressed against the windowsill as his head hung limply.

Olivia approached him slowly, and placed her hand onto his back as his shoulders began to shake. Glistening tears slipped from his eyes.

"I did everything I was supposed to do." He said, looking up at Olivia slowly. The tear tracts were visible on his face. "I work hard, I have a good job, I never cheated on my wife. What else could I have done?"

She gently turned him the rest of the way towards her, and placed both hands on his shoulders. "You did everything you could do. Sometimes, it's just not enough. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

Elliot shook his head, scrubbing away his tears. She could sense his doubt… it made her angry, heartbroken and confused all at the same time. _How could he question his own commitment? _

"Elliot, you are a good man." She said, squeezing his shoulders. "I know how much you love your family. And if Kathy can't see that… I really don't know what to say. There's no one better that she could possibly be with. Anyone would be extremely lucky to have you in their lives. I know I am."

The emotions were overwhelming him. Those words meant more to him than she could possibly imagine. He couldn't even get any words out himself, no matter how badly he wanted to thank her, so instead, he wrapped his right arm around her waist and pulled her close. His forehead fell against her shoulder as he felt her arms wrap around him.

"Thank you, Liv." He breathed.

She squeezed him tighter, rocking him ever so gently. "It's why I'm here."

He pulled away slightly, and got lost in her eyes. This time, he was feeling something entirely different. He knew exactly what it was, but it almost made him angry. _How could you be thinking like this when you're crying about your wife and kids leaving you?_

The smile that she gave him melted his heart, and made it that much harder to ignore the emotions racing through him. He didn't know their lips growing closer and closer until it was almost too late.

They both jumped when intercom buzzed. Elliot's arm fell from her waist and he immediately backed to a safe distance, dropping his gaze to the floor. He didn't know what to think, never mind what to say or do. When she turned from him, he collapsed back onto the couch and reached for his beer.

Minutes later, she set a pizza box down in front of them, and flipped the lid. They always got the same pizza when together: sausage, peppers and onions with extra cheese.

"What do you want to watch?" She asked, turning on the television.

Elliot shrugged, taking a bite of his pizza. "There's a new NCIS on, isn't there?"

Olivia turned the channel to CBS, and sat back, reaching for her own pizza. This had become a tradition for them over the past several years; whenever a case was especially bad, and Elliot didn't want to go home or Olivia didn't want to be alone, they went over to her place, ordered in, and watched their favorite show. NCIS might be solving homicide cases, but at least they have a sense of humor, he always said.

Almost an hour later, the pizza box was nearly empty and they both sat back on the couch, watching another episode. Elliot's arm was resting across the back of the couch, and somehow, Olivia had ended up leaning on his shoulder. It felt much more comfortable than he expected.

"Liv?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

He was silent for a long moment. Finally, he turned towards her. "You said you were lucky to have me in your life."

"I am."

He shook his head, his eyes meeting hers. "I'm the lucky one."

There that feeling was again. Their hands laced together once more as they both leaned forward. Elliot's heart raced in his chest. He reached up, and brushed her hair behind her ear, taking a moment to simply look at her.

"El." She whispered as their foreheads gently fell together.

He didn't get a chance to respond. Neither of them could say who moved first after that, but what they did know was that in a matter of a second, their lips met.

Elliot had never touched a drug or gotten high in his entire life, but if he had to guess what it felt like, this would be it. His fingertips tingled, his heart soared and it felt like he was floating. Her lips were so soft, gentle… and simply _right_. He had never felt this sense of rightness from a simple kiss; it was impossible to explain. It took away all the pain of his wife leaving him; how could he be upset about that when he had this beautiful, kind, caring woman sitting next to him?

It seemed like the kiss was over just as quickly as it had begun. Elliot's eyes opened slowly (he didn't even remember closing them), and he tried his best to gauge her reaction, but he'd never seen this look in her eyes as long as he'd known her.

"El-

"Don't." He whispered. The moment was just too good; he didn't want it to end quite yet. He knew they had a lot to talk about, but he just wanted to lose himself now, because he didn't know if this would ever happen again. He was going to take every second he could get. "Please, just… in a minute."

She respected his request. In fact, he thought maybe she wanted the same thing. So that's how they sat, foreheads together, eyes closed, just being.

Finally, he took a deep breath, and said. "I'm sorry. I just… I can't even tell you how much you mean to me, Liv. I don't know what I'd do without you, especially over the past few weeks."

"El, I didn't even know what was going on." She said. "I didn't do anything."

He smiled at her. "You didn't have to know. You were helping me even if you didn't realize it."

Her arms wrapped around him, and she held him tight. He could feel the emotions rolling off of her in waves. "I'll always be here for you, El."

That was their relationship. She was his rock and he was hers, whether they knew it or not.

* * *

A/N: Decided to leave this one a bit open-ended. I thought that was the perfect place to end it. Any way, let me know what you think. As is my new tradition, if you leave a review, you get a sneak peak of the next chapter, or in this case, the next one-shot :)

Once again, thanks to **TheCongressman** for the challenge. If you haven't already, definitely check out his stories "Countdown" and "Prey". Also, **follow me on Twitter Stabson10** for awesome stuff like sneak peaks, more info, or just to chat.

-Stabson


	2. Loss

A/N: Hey, everyone! Here's the next one-shot... as the title of the chapter states, this one is season 5, Loss. Not much else to say, so enjoy!

* * *

Olivia felt like breaking down in tears. Elliot didn't even know what to think.

The shooting outside the bar was still fresh in Elliot's mind. He cursed himself every which way for what he had happened to Alex; he and Olivia were supposed to be protecting her, and he allowed her to be shot and killed.

At least, that's what he thought. He would never forget the moment Alex stepped out of the car, alive, and mostly well, with her arm in a sling. He would never forget the moment he realized he would have to go to a funeral for a close friend he knew had been shipped off to some classified location, and pretend mourn over the loss, and over never seeing her again. Then again, he really may never see her again. She would be safe now, hopefully.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Olivia run both hands over her face. He knew he should say something, but he didn't even know where to start.

"At least she's okay." He whispered finally, keeping his eyes on the dark road ahead of them.

"Yeah." She answered, sighing.

Finally, he took a second to really look at her. She was frowning deeply, and held her head up with her hand. Her eyes were focused on the road.

"Are you?"

"We failed her, El." She whispered.

He couldn't argue with her, because he agreed. They did fail her. They allowed her to get shot. He couldn't even get the license plate of the vehicle as he ran out into the road. The only thing that either of them could say was that Olivia stopped the blood long enough to keep her alive. But no one could know about that. Every one was forced to think that she had been murdered by the very people she was trying so hard to put away.

"We have to go to her funeral." Olivia said. "W-we have to pretend-

Elliot grabbed her hand, and squeezed it tight. "I know."

"I don't know if I can do this."

They were both feeling overwhelmed. Elliot hit the brakes, pulled onto the side of the deserted road, and threw the console up from between them. Without thinking, he reached for her, pulling her into one of the tightest hugs he had given anyone. Her arms squeezed just as tightly around him as she buried her face in his shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay." He whispered, though the words were hollow. He had no idea if it would be okay. He had no idea if the men responsible would ever be brought to justice, and he had no idea if Alex would ever step inside about Manhattan court room again.

* * *

Elliot's tie felt like it was choking him. He and Olivia stood next to each other at the cemetery along with the D.A.'s office, half of the NYPD and Alex's family. At some point during the service, their hands had found each other and squeezed tightly. Elliot's other hand was shoved into the pocket of his suit pants. There was a permanent lump in his throat. He could feel anguish radiating from his partner.

Olivia's hand tightened even more around his when Alex's mother spoke. Halfway through her eulogy, she broke down into tears and had to be escorted back into the crowd. A few tears ran down Olivia's face.

_She's alive. And we can't even tell her mother. _

When it was finally over, the partners headed back towards their sedan.

"You okay, Liv?" He asked quietly, turning towards her from the driver's seat.

She shook her head. "How could I be okay right now?"

"I don't know." He mumbled, staring at the steering wheel. She was right; how could either of them be okay?

"Will you stay?" She asked quietly when he pulled in front of her building.

Elliot nodded. He knew that he should have probably headed home, but Olivia was the only one that understood, and that's what he really needed right now. Besides, he knew that she needed it, too. There was no way he was going to leave her to deal with this on her own.

They collapsed onto the couch next to each other. Olivia popped the cap off the bottle of Jack Daniels she'd received from the kitchen, and took a sip before handing the bottle to him silently. He took a sip as well, leaning back.

"What do you think she's doing right now?" She whispered minutes later, after they had traded the bottle back and forth several more times.

"I don't know." Elliot answered. "W-we failed, Liv. She was counting on us, and…"

He shook his head, dropping it into his hands.

"I know." She answered. "El… can you just…?"

He looked into her eyes, and immediately knew what she wanted. He took one more swig of alcohol, and reached out for her, pulling her close to his chest.

They didn't do this. Since they became partners, there was a silent agreement between the two of them: no touching. Besides a few brushes and pats on the shoulder, they'd stuck to that rule. Olivia wasn't sure how or why that was; perhaps she knew deep down that once she felt his embrace, she would never want to let go. And, as it turns out, she was right. As soon as his arms wrapped around her, she wanted nothing more than to sink into them and never pull away. He was warm, inviting, and it felt… _right_.

She couldn't help the tears formed in her eyes, so she buried her face in his chest, and let them fall. She was safe with him. He would never judge her.

Elliot felt her tears on his shirt, and it made it even harder to control his own emotions. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, and murmured. "She's gonna be fine, Liv. She has to wait until… Velez is put away."

"When the hell is that going to be?" She asked. "You know as well as I do that could very well never happen, El."

He squeezed his arm around her waist. Reluctantly, he said, "I know. But… we have to keep hope."

She pulled away from him slightly, just so she could look him in the face. There was sorrow in his eyes, but something else, as well… something that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It looked like the same thing that she saw when his family were around, but… different. _Love? _She scoffed inwardly. _Maybe brotherly love. Nothing more than that. _

"How?" She whispered. _How could we keep hope? _

"I don't know." He answered, reaching up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "But we have each other, right?"

Olivia nodded, and in a small voice, she answered, "Right."

She didn't know how he made her feel like this. Only he could draw this emotion from the depths of her mind; she wasn't even sure what it was. She cared for him. She loved him.

Warmth was filling him. His mind, heart, the pit of his stomach… they were all drowning in it. He knew exactly what it meant, but it almost made him feel sick. He wasn't supposed to feel this for anyone but his wife… but Olivia had a way of drawing out things he'd never felt before. Here she was, crying on his shoulder, yet he couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful she was.

"That's what Alex wants." He whispered, dropping his gaze. "She wanted to let us know that she was alive so we wouldn't feel guilty. Wouldn't have to mourn."

"Then why couldn't she tell her mother? The rest of the squad?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know. They probably wouldn't let her."

Olivia sighed shakily, dropping her head back against his shoulder. "Please… just don't let go."

Elliot's arms tightened around her. "You don't even have to ask."

Without even thinking, he leaned down, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. They both seemed to react to his action at the same time; she looked up at him, and he released her immediately, scooting away.

_Ah, shit. I stepped over a line there. _

_We've already stepped over a few lines tonight, though. What's one more?_

He reached for the bottle of alcohol, taking a swig and hoping that it would serve to calm his racing mind and heart.

"El?" She asked quietly.

He shook his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't have…"

She shushed him gently. "Don't. I… it was nice."

Shock wasn't even the right word to describe how he was feeling. A dangerous mixture of emotions were flowing through him, and was all too much. He jumped to his feet, and paced to the window. He just needed some space, he needed to make sure he wouldn't do anything stupid. His wife was waiting for him at home, and here he was, thinking about how much he wanted to grab this woman and kiss her for all he was worth.

"El? You okay?" She asked gently, slowly approaching him. She was so confused; they'd gone from embracing, comforting each other, to him fleeing from her in a matter of seconds. _What the hell is going on?_

"I'm fine." He breathed, gaze locked on the view out the apartment window. He simply needed to collect himself before he ended up doing something that he would regret.

"You don't look fine." Olivia said, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Please, talk to me."

He turned towards her slowly. There was nothing he'd rather do than just give in to temptation and fall into her arms, but he just couldn't. He was a faithful husband; he would never betray his wife like that. Besides, he hadn't even thought about Olivia's reaction. He wasn't going to risk losing both his marriage and his closest, dearest friend. He knew that he couldn't handle that.

"I should go." He said finally, making a beeline for his coat. "I-I'm sorry, Olivia."

"You're sorry? What are you sorry for? Why are you in such a rush to get out of here now?" She should have known; the emotions were written plainly on his face. Olivia just couldn't believe them; she almost didn't want to believe them. Then she would get her hopes up.

Elliot didn't respond, just collected his jacket with shaking hands. The only thing that stopped him was Olivia's tight grasp on his shoulder. "Elliot, would you talk to me?"

Neither of them knew exactly what happened next. Elliot was so intent on getting out of that apartment before he did something he regretted, and Olivia just wanted to know the reason behind her partner's strange behavior. When they came face to face, something unknown took over both of them. Neither could hold back the emotion anymore. Elliot dropped his coat and his arms wrapped around her. Olivia responded immediately, leaning in and pressing her lips to his.

For a moment during the kiss, Elliot's mind went blank. The only thing that he could think about was how amazing her lips felt against his, how soft, and warm… he could hardly believe what was happening. The only thing he wanted to do was wrap his arms tighter around her and kiss her for days.

The kiss lasted only seconds, and as soon as they broke apart, the guilt came crashing down.

_I just cheated on my wife. _

He felt sick to his stomach.

_I just betrayed the mother of my children. I kissed another woman. I cheated on Kathy. _

_There's no way she's going to forgive me. _

Elliot slipped his jacket on, and stumbled out of the apartment as fast as he could.

_You're a scumbag. Your wife is at home, taking care of your kids, probably waiting for your ass to get back, and you're at your partner's apartment fucking kissing her. _

He felt like the lowest of the low. He had to get home to Kathy, he had to make sure she knew that he still loved her.

He did still love her… right?

Elliot wrapped his jacket tighter around himself as he stepped out into the chilly night. Fear clenched at his heart when he tried to picture his wife, but could only see Olivia. When he thought about love, it was so hard not to think about his partner. He loved her… he was just too terrified to admit it.

The detective collapsed onto a park bench across the street from the apartment with a grunt. His head was racing; he needed to figure out what he was going to do.

_Well, you have to tell Kathy. _

_But what about Olivia? You need to get back in there and save your partnership! Who knows whether or not she really wanted that kiss? She may be just as confused as you are. She may want to kick you in the balls for kissing her like that. _

_Your wife should come first. _

As much as he tried to convince himself of that last thought, he just couldn't. Over the past few months, as ashamed as he was to admit it, his wife _hadn't_ been coming first. Recently, it had been all about Olivia. He loved seeing her happy, he wanted to please her, he wanted to spend time with her.

_You need to stop thinking about her like this. You're married, one of your closest friends was just put into WPP, you have enough emotional shit going on right now without dealing with this whole… whatever the hell this is. Go home to your wife, explain yourself, and prepare to beg for forgiveness. _

"Is this seat taken?"

Olivia looked down at him. She had quickly thrown on a sweatshirt and leather jacket, and stood in front of him, hands shoved in her pockets. Elliot shook his head, scooting over to make room. He had no idea what was going to say to her, but he knew that they needed to talk.

"So, are we gonna talk?" She asked, lowering herself onto the bench. "About… what happened?"

"It was a mistake." He mumbled, crossing his arms."Just forget it happened. We were both emotional, we both have alcohol in our systems, that's all."

"I don't know about you, but I'm completely lucid." Olivia said quietly. "I just… I respect your marriage, Elliot, you know I do, but if we don't figure out what's going on here… it could ruin everything."

Something inside of him snapped. He turned towards her, "You want to know what's going on here? The problem is that I feel something for you that I really shouldn't be feeling, _especially_ since I've got a wife at home. And I feel like the scum of the earth for it."

Olivia was speechless. Even though she was pushing and prodding, she never thought that he would come out and admit this. Suddenly, she felt like garbage. _What are you thinking? He's married, damn it!_

"You're night." She whispered, standing. "I'm sorry, we shouldn't have done it. See you tomorrow."

She turned from him, and headed back to her building, feeling utterly stupid. What was she expecting? There was no way he was going to dump his family, his perfect life, for her. He was head over heels for Kathy, and nothing would ever change that, no matter how much she hoped.

_If he's so in love, why would he kiss you? _

_He already said, it was just the emotions, the alcohol…_

_He wanted to kiss you. He leaned in just as much as you did. He even said he felt something for you. _

_Just don't get your hopes up._

* * *

Elliot's mind was racing as he drove over the Queensborough bridge. _What am I gonna tell Kathy? If I say what happened, she's never going to forgive me. _

_So don't tell her. _

_I can't lie to her. _

He took a deep breath, scrubbing his face with one hand. Tonight wasn't the first time he had thought of his partner in a romantic way… he found himself doing it more and more frequently in the past few months. He thought that he could handle it, that if he ignored it for long enough it would just go away, but he should have known better. He was in love with Olivia Benson… and there was nothing he could do about it.

He still loved his wife. He would never stop loving her; she gave him five beautiful children and stood by him through some of the hardest times in his life. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get Olivia out of his head. He was starting to hate himself for it.

_You have a beautiful wife at home waiting for you. She loves you. She's devoted to you. _

_There's no way I could feel any worse than I do right now. _

When Elliot slipped into the house and closed the door softly behind him, the light in the living room was still on. Kathy sat on the couch, wearing one of his t-shirts and a pair of sleeping shorts. Seeing her sitting there, waiting for him, wearing his clothes, made him feel even worse.

"El." She greeted, setting down the book she was reading. "Is everything okay? How did the funeral go?"

"Kath…" A lump formed in his throat. He had to tell her. There was no way he could keep this from her.

She stood, reached out to loosen his tie for him, then wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so sorry, El." She whispered. "I know this must be hard for you."

_This _is_ hard for me… it's just not what you're thinking it is._

"I kissed Olivia." He blurted. _FUCK, you idiot!_

Kathy's arms dropped from around him, she took a step back, and he could immediately see the hurt in her eyes. "What?"

"I'm sorry." He whispered, cheeks burning with shame, eyes glued to the carpet. He couldn't even look at her. "God, Kath, I'm so sorry, I just… I don't even know what happened, one minute we were talking, and the next…"

"Stop." She said, putting even more distance between them when she sat down on the couch. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears; Elliot felt like taking the gun from his side and putting himself out of his misery. She inhaled sharply, and said, "Just stop. I knew it. I knew that there was something between the two of you."

"Kathy, please-

She shook her head. "Go."

"What?"

"You need to leave." Kathy said, standing. "Please, just… go."

"What about the kids?" He whispered.

"What about me, Elliot?"

"I love you." His voice cracked as he tried to keep the emotions at bay. "I made a mistake. Please, Kathy, just listen to me."

"I don't need to listen." She snapped, her tears nearly overflowing. "Your actions speak louder than your words, Elliot, and you clearly would rather have Olivia than your family. You already spend more time with her than you do with us."

"I'm working. Trying to support this family. I thought you understood that."

"I thought I did, too. This isn't about you working, this is about you screwing around with another woman when your wife and children sit at home."

Her words felt like someone had stabbed him in the gut and twisted. He nodded once, grabbed his coat and headed for the door. "I am sorry, Kath." He said. "I really do love you."

She didn't answer him, and that's what scared him the most. Nodding once, he slipped his jacket on and left the house. He didn't know what else he could do.

* * *

Elliot was exhausted the next day. After leaving Queens, he didn't know what else to do, so he went back to the precinct and laid down upstairs in the cribs. He could barely sleep; he still felt like absolute garbage… not only was he in danger of losing his wife, he also may lose his partner. She was positive that the way they ended things the night before was not anywhere near where they should have… he had felt so terrible that he couldn't even look at his partner. He couldn't deny his feelings for her, and it confused the hell out of him. He always loved Kathy unconditionally… until Olivia came along. How could he pick his partner over the woman he had spent his entire adult life with?

"You look terrible." Olivia said, sitting down across from him.

Elliot shook his head, pulling files out of his inbox. "Don't want to talk about it."

The rest of the day went much like that. The only time he spoke was when they were discussing a case, and even then, it was like pulling teeth. Finally, an hour before they were supposed to get off, she had enough. When he headed back down the hallway to the bathroom, she pulled him into one of interview room and closed the door.

"What the hell, Liv?"

"We need to talk." Olivia said.

Elliot sat down on the table, sighing heavily. "I told Kathy what happened. She kicked me out."

"El… I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention."

"I know. It wasn't your fault." He scoffed. "I deserved it."

"You made a mistake."

Elliot looked up at her, grasping the edge of the table to keep from reaching for her. That's what he really wanted to do; pull her close, and just forget about the mess that he was making of his life. He couldn't allow himself to do it, though; that was the one thing that he could do that would make everything worse.

"El?" She asked softly.

"I can't do this." He muttered, dropping his head into his hands. "Just leave me alone, Olivia. I don't want to talk about it."

She gripped his hands, and gently pulled them away from his face. "Fine, you don't want to talk about it now? Come stay at my apartment tonight. You don't have anywhere else to go, and we really need to talk."

"I need to talk to Kathy tonight. To figure out what's going on."

"El, listen." She said before he got a chance to walk away. She reached out, and grasped his shoulder. "I just want to let you know… you're my partner first. I just want to make sure… I couldn't handle our friendship being ruined over this. I… couldn't stand losing you."

"I know." He answered. "I can't lose you, either, Liv. I promise… you won't, no matter what."

* * *

The few hours they were apart were torture for her. The worst thing was that she had no idea what was going on; if the most important man in her life was hashing things out with his wife, or being thrown out of his home by her.

Olivia got her answer when there was a banging on her door. Behind it, Elliot stood, a duffel bag slung around his shoulder. "Mind if I take you up on your offer?"

"Of course not." She said, stepping aside.

He slid past her, dropped the bag on the floor, and plopped onto the couch with a grunt.

"Want to talk about it?" She asked, sitting next to him.

"Not really." He mumbled, dropping his head against the cushions.

Olivia stood, walked into the kitchen, and returned a moment later holding a beer. She handed it to him before sitting back down.

"Thanks." He said, popping it open and taking a sip.

She watched him for a long moment as he sipped the beer and stared off at the wall across the apartment.

"We sat down together and had a long talk." He began quietly. "I tried to apologize. Hell, I almost got down on my knees and groveled. She said she knew I was sorry, but that didn't mean I regretted what I did. I tried to tell her she was wrong. She knew better."

"She thinks you don't love her?" She asked incredulously.

"She knows I do… but she also knows that I'm in love with someone else." He couldn't even believe the words were coming out of his mouth. He never thought he'd be talking about loving anyone else other than Kathy. "She knew everything… even before I knew. She said that she didn't blame me; I can't help what I feel for… what I feel."

"So what's going to happen?" Olivia asked quietly.

Elliot sighed. "She let me pack some stuff, kiss the kids, and… told me that I'd be getting the divorce papers in the mail."

"She's _divorcing_ you?" Olivia's heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. "Elliot… I'm so sorry."

He scrubbed his face in his hands. "The worst part is, when she told me… I almost felt relieved. Can you imagine that? My wife just told me that she wants a divorce, and I felt relieved."

"Why?"

He looked up at her, and reached for a lock of hair that fell in front of her shoulder. His two fingers tangled within it, sending shivers down her spine. She didn't know why, but every time he touched her it was like a jolt of electricity.

"Because now I don't feel guilty when I look at you." He said softly. His hand slid down her arm, and stopped on her knee. He was just too tired to fight his feelings anymore. His wife was divorcing him; there was no reason to suppress how he felt. "Or when I touch you."

"El." She said. "Hold on… I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

He swallowed. "Liv… I have feelings for you. I-I know I told you that, but… they aren't new. I just tried like hell to suppress them. I'm not on the rebound, I'm not emotionally unstable or any of that crap. I just…" He took a deep breath. "I just need you."

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say that." Olivia whispered. "I just… I need to know that you're sure."

"I couldn't be more." He said, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. The first time they kissed, he fought like hell to stop. The truth was, he was terrified. He never wanted to betray anybody. But this time… he remembered what the first had been like, and he wanted to feel that again.

He felt her relax against him, and grip his hand as the distance between them closed. When their lips touched for the second time, the warmth came back. No one he'd ever kissed made him feel the way he felt with her. That's how he knew what he felt for her was real.

"I have to be honest." He breathed as they broke apart. "Right now… I'm not ready to jump into another serious relationship."

"Of course, El, I know that." She answered, squeezing his hand. "It's okay."

"You didn't let me finish." He said, squeezing back. "I'm not ready right now… but I can't imagine being with anyone other than you. This must sound selfish, but… would you…?"

"Wait for you?" She finished. When he nodded his assent, she answered, "El, I've been waiting for you for years. A month or two more won't kill me."

"It's not going to be that long." He promised. "Just until I get back on my feet, and… sign the papers."

"As long as I get to hold you like this." She murmured, dropping her head into his broad shoulder. "Be held by you."

Elliot wrapped his arms tighter around her, smiling softly. "Honestly, Liv? Nothing would make me happier."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed, and if you did, drop a review! Remember, review=sneak peak of the next one-shot! If it's an especially good review, I may even give you a little extra ;) By the way, if you haven't read Shattered, I recommend you go to my page and check it out! Remember to leave a comment on that one too, if you enjoy it!

Have an awesome morning/afternoon/evening!

Stabson


End file.
